From: Preeti Ranjan Panda ============================================================================ Here is the second edition of the mock-FAQ for this newsgroup. Please take it in the lighter vein. This does not reflect any official recommendations or opinions - it doesn't reflect my own opinions either :-) "aar em ai em ... Hum behtar ise banaaye Aur iska labh uthaye..." [Another TV ad...for 'bharatiya rail' :-) ] ============================================================================ RMIM'S FAQ - THE MOCKERY CONTINUES... 1. I composed a highly humourous article, the whole of which is as follows: Subject: For KK fans Listen to "Khushi Do ghadi Ki, Mile na Mile" from Door Ka Rahi and then talk to me (or send me mail if you want lyrics)! Should I post this on RMIM ? Oh, but humour is ALWAYS welcome on RMIM. No exceptions, no holds barred! Who knows, you might find others whose taste matches yours! But consider this suggestion too - crosspost it to rec.humor. For one, the readership of rec.humor is very very large, and people DO appreciate good jokes when they appear. [HINT: Don't read the follow-up responses!] 2. I (or my newsserver) returned from a 1-month vacation, and I see hazaar questions on the net. Should I reply to ALL them immediately ? Since you haven't checked RMIM for a month, it is very likely that someone has already answered it. Good idea to check up the follow-up responses (and the date on the article) before replying yourself. [ BTW I have a genuine question here. Is it the case that in some newsreaders there is no obvious way to know if there is more than 1 article in a thread? I saw 8 replies to the question about "EK RUKA HUA FAISLAA" - all identical! ] 3. I heard that Shiv Kumar Sharma performed in US recently. Did anyone on RMIM talk to him ? I am very eager to read the interview! Yes, he performed at Georgia Tech. Prince posted a review of the concert. He also (allegedly) had the golden opportunity to take a personal interview. Alas! The only question he asked him was "Who do you think was better ? Rafi or KK or Rafi ?" 4. What's this "Flo-Jo Kweej" ? This one is hi-tech-ly conducted over IRC and bears the distinction of being the first International Electronic Interactive MultiSite MultiServer MultiClient MultiKweejMaster MenuBased InterruptDriven Moojik Kweej ever. They've been hugely successfu, but I mention only the blemishes (they are based on unfounded hypotheses, so don't take them too seriously...) Three roommates (and in fact, there might even be a parent-child relationship between Nitin Joshi & Sandeep Joshi) from Clemson get together one night and devise a conspiracy. First they pool together a bunch of kweej queschens and document them all in the file "kweej.qst." Joshua (who was elected kweej- master) invites junta to participate in the Interaktiv-Kweej. Floyd joins Joshua as co-organizer and srini-"ladies-send-me-mail"-rajagopalan keeps the score. The Kweej is won by Joshua's two roommates who had that "kweej.qst" file open right in front of them... In Flo-Jo II, questions are from the same "kweej.qst" question bank, only the organizers and players have changed hands - this time they make sure that the scorer is a Clemsonian too. One of the tricks they play is as follows. Ashish-"Dil-dhoondta-hai"-Bokil types a question...then, one minute later, types "Nitin sent me the correct answer by PRIVATE MSG!!" - when, in reality, Nitin's message read "I will buy you a Campa-Cola tonight!" 5. I was watching the 'sapnoN ke raani' song from 'Aradhana' yesterday. Remember ? When Mr. Dimpal needlessly circles the already circling toy train ? What was tha t novel Sharmila was pretending to concentrate on ? Actually this question was raised at least once before on RMIM. The following suggestions were gratefully offered by well-meaning RMIMers. Most Probably one of the following: Fear is the key Ice Station Zebra Floodgate ITRANS 2.0 Song Book But could also be one of: Stranger in the Mirror Learn Tamil in 31 days Three men and a goat Ek sow ek gaaliyaN But most guys did agree that it was an Alistair Maclean novel. (As expected, others did suggest Enid Blyton, V. S. Naipaul, Howard Stern...) 6. I am lonely in my apartment...and I recall "yeh shaam ki tanhaiyaaN". Later I am hopelessly wandering in this strange country...and I recall "yahaN maiN ajnabi hooN." Damn poetic, eh? Should I pen down all thoughts that have occurred to me since I came here, and all the associated hindi songs ? You are 6 months too late! ALL songs that were ever sung, and are worth quoting, were covered in Sami's "Ek grad student ki daastaan." 7. Are PJ's entertained on RMIM ? That dreaded thread keeps rearing its head every now and then. One particular RMIMer seems to be fighting a single-handed, losing battle against it by attempting to divert people's attention, but now and then, a suppressed PJoker springs free and starts an avalanche... ...And these PJokers are tricky too - in many cases, you can easily get the "P" part of it, but the "J" might not exist! 8. "Since we seem to be in the PJ mood, let me present one more..." There you go! This, and the other line "While at the subject, here's one..." are the most common ways people begin a PJ-posting. Why the excuses ? Our sincerest gaalis are reserved for you anyway! 9. This one is quoted from an article posted on RMIM. >It would be nice of you if you could post the artical. Why the hell did they ^^^^^^^ >have salman khan. that idiot cant act to save his bloody life!!!!!!! > It would be nice if you could post the artical, On Salman Khan's bloody partical, He cant even bear a broken pimpal, Long live our lovely Kapadia Dimpal.. - "The Simpal" See ? You are even allowed to compose your own lyrics. Now, of course, it is upto the FAQ compiler to decide whether or not to include it in the PJ-Section! 10. I want to compose RJGK 13. Whose permission do I need ? Sorry, we are booked until RJGK #33. You either declare your intention of hosting RJGK #34, and await your turn, or (if you're clever) surreptitiously post it while no one's around at midnight. Observe the following guidelines. It cannot be dedicated to Shanky-J (One guy suggested and no one objected...) It cannot be dedicated to Sanjay Dutt (Explosive Reasons...) It cannot be dedicated to the Clemson Joshis/Bokils (Conspiracy) It cannot be dedicated to Kumar Sanu/Shabbir Kumar/Nitin Mukesh (Plagiarism) It cannot be dedicated to Amrish Puri/O.J.Simpson/Dada Kondke... (Irrelevance) There should be at least 25 questions, no two of which are identical. You should know the answers to at least some of the questions. (Sanjoe will give you the remaining answers.) 11. Now I know what P-stats are! Didn't we tell you? Reading FAQs can be an enormously educative experience. 12. Does Sanjay Dutt really have such a huge fan-club? I see him mentioned again and again. Oh, he has 2 fans. One is Madhuri, the other is an RMIMer who wrote "three innocent lines" in his praise. (something about her need to rush to the nearest dysfunctional shower...) ...Her sanity, the doctors yell there's no hope of restoring, She's nuts, but what the hell at least her life isn't boring... [Stolen (to avoid administrative hassles) from Nuts' .sig] 13. Can I discuss Ghalib Ghazals on RMIM? Sure! [a] Are they archived? Yes (but the ones with references to PhD aren't!) [b] When to use them? When you are depressed and when your job or grad. life sucks big time. [c] How to use them? Make parodies out of them and lighten up your low spirits. The only problem with them is, you spend three fourths of your lifetime trying to understand the individual words and the remaining one fourth trying to understand the couplets as a whole. Look what it did to Meena Kumari, Jasjit Singh and the like! [Courtesy: Satish Subramaniam] 14. How do I make a post on Talat end up in a Pink Floyd discussion ? Casually introduce a sly remark about Pink Floyd in your post. That should, in most cases, do the job. The PF fans will jump at you, with "We appreciate your appreciation of Indian music, but at the same time, let's not pass derogatory..." - life goes on... [Courtesy: Satish Subramaniam] 15. What/Who is the Desi-Dino? Dino is abbreviation for dinosaur. So desi-dino is the dinosaur that speaks either Hindi or Tamil. [Courtesy: Satish Subramaniam] 16. I am a PhD student... Cool! You are reading the right newsgroup. There's this Jasjit Singh who has compiled the views of the following philosophers about PhD - Ghalib Rafi Mukesh Advani Phoolan Devi - most of which have a negative outlook, and are too specific about the quality of the Computer Science Graduate program at Georgia Tech. [Courtesy: Sami Mohammed] 17. I watched "1942 - A Love Story" in the local desi theater yesterday. Shall I post a review ? Actually we have had so many reviews about that film posted on RMIM that, given the finite number of combinations of English/Hindi phrases possible, no matter how you phrase your posting, it has appeared once before! - Preeti Ranjan Panda ============================================================================