Newsgroups: rec.music.indian.misc Path: Lehigh.EDU!netnews.upenn.edu!dsinc!newsfeed.pitt.edu!scramble.lm.com!news.math.psu.edu!news.cse.psu.edu!uwm.edu!lll-winken.llnl.gov!news.larc.nasa.gov!maui.cc.odu.edu!hearst.acc.Virginia.EDU!murdoch!uvacs.cs.Virginia.EDU!an4m From: nuts@virginia.edu (Nuts) Subject: Rules of War X-Nntp-Posting-Host: brahmin.cs.virginia.edu Message-ID: Sender: usenet@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU Organization: University of Virginia Computer Science Department Date: Tue, 30 Apr 1996 18:31:02 GMT Lines: 131 Howdy all! Seeing as we're in the middle of yet another war regarding singers, I thought I'd pitch in with my own little contributions. Since I seem to be the perfect fence-sitter (mainly because I'm too illiterate to say anything about any singer), I felt the need to contribute by setting the ground rules for debate, whether the current one or all future ones. The first order of business in any debate is to set the terminology. It's quite excruciating to talk to another who follows a different rule for nomenclature. Therefore, in the fashion of existing fan clubs, please sign up for one or more of the following fan clubs: KKK - Kishore Kumar Klan If you subscribe to the KKK Katalogue, you must immediately swear off classical songs. No, "badi sooni sooni hai" doesn't exactly qualify as classical, neither does "guni janon re bhakt janon". However, you get to wax eloquent over the life infused into "hamein aur jeene ki chaahat na hoti, agar tum na hote", you get to gaze in wonderment at the vibrancy of "tere bina zindagi se koi shikva to nahin" and the pathos of "meet na mila re man ka". You also get to tout "haal-chaal theek-thaak hai" as the greatest duet of all time, and denounce the "other" "tum bin jaaoon kahaan" as a vile imitation of "this" "tum bin jaaoon kahaan". Agreed, your devotionals are limited to "priye praaneshwari, yadi aap hamein aadesh karein, to prem ka hum shree ganesh karein", but hey, would you want devotionals to be of any other kind? A Kommandment of your Klan is that any derogatory comment about Kishore's lack of classical training must be twisted into an encomium about his natural talent. Rafians - Hoodlums supporting that other great As a scruffy Rafian, you must roll up your sleeves and punch down and dirty. Never squander an opportunity to commend the high registers in "o duniya ke rakhwaale". Make innuendos about the emotion infused in "yahoo, chaahe koi mujhe junglee kahe", and ensure that everyone comprehends the mirth in "all line clear, aage badho aage chalo". Show the range encompassed from "tu ganga ki mauj main jamuna ka dhaara" to "aiyaya karoon main kya suku suku", but beware! Don't ever, ever get down to comparisons made at a low pitch, because that's hitting way below the belt, see? Oh yes, you too get to denounce the "other" "tum bin jaaoon kahaan". In addition, you may extoll the greatest quintet of all time, namely "na to kaarvaan ki talaash hai", and how many other clubs can boast of that, huh? If anyone gives you the roughs about Rafi's absolute lack of natural talent or his machine-like efficiency, point out the many clones and then some more as an indication of his range, power, popularity, whatever. Mukie-cookies - The Third scReich consisting of Mukesh fans Boy, if you're in this group, you're a lone ranger. Since most others are divvied up into one of the above groups, you have to try and drum up support by jumping into their brouhahas with your own gems. So if the discussion is about classical abilities, you pitch in with "aavaara hoon, ya gardish mein hoon aasmaan ka taara hoon" and claim that to be the sweetest-sounding song ever, thus changing the topic of debate effectively. And irrelevantly, one may add. But never fear. Clomp "mera joota hai japaani" on them and tell them a few million Russians think it's the national anthem. Laud the sorrow in "darpan ko dekha, tune jab jab kiya shringar", even though, oops, that was not meant to be a sorrowful song. Dodge accusations that Mukesh merely says songs, not sings them by insisting that the yodelling in "suhaana safar aur yeh mausam haseen" is proof of his abilities. Deyties - Manna-men chanting for Manna Dey Your Man(na)tra is "classical". Rotate all discussions around the ability to sing classical songs. Never mind if the most ardent love song, for example "tum bin jeevan kaisa jeevan, phool khile to dil murjhaaye", gets converted to a bhajan because of this classical fetish. Insist that "laaga chunari mein daag chhupaaoon kaise" is the most popular antakshari song of all time. Evade questions about the utter pointlessness of "kehta hai joker, saara zamaana". The haRDy Boys - ARDent fans of the LoRD Swear by the extraoRDinary, whenever you find time from making stupid puns, of course. HaRDly a day should go by when you cannot praise the LoRD. Be not taRDy in displaying the range of voices, from the high choRDs in "yama yama, yeh khoobsurat sama" to the chic hoRDes in "mehbooba mehbooba". Your trump caRD, obviously, is the panting and puffing in "duniya mein, logon ko, dhoka kabhi ho jaata hai" - that should put all to swoRD. Talatribals - Fans of the MehMoody Blues You're asking to be hurt, aren't you? You're just a sucker for punishment, aren't you? Lucky for you, that's pretty much all Talat sings. Try to hide a sob as you praise "zindagi denewaale sun". Let not a quiver come to your voice when you sing "shaam-e-gham ki qasam"... actually, let the quiver come in anyway! Remove your spine while mouthing "ae gham-e-dil, kya karoon, ae vehshat-e-dil, kya karoon". There are other groups too, but in the interest of brevity in this defining document of debate we will just quickly refer to them in single lines. A more complete list will be posted later. TamAshas - For those who have Asha Yes-men - Fans of Yesudas, not to be confused with, yes, Udhas LLL - Lady Lata Lovers SHAMELESS PITCH FOR AUTOMAILER: You can get a list of singers by sending mail to nuts@virginia.edu with "singer::" in the subject header. I know this is entirely irrelevant to this post, but hey, it's _my post and it's _my_ automailer, okay? Participants in any debate over singers can choose to be in multiple clubs at the same time. However, it is somewhat bad form to belittle Kishore _and_ be in the KKK simultaneously. Having thus set the nomenclature, we now proceed to list the 10 Commandments of debate on RMIM: 1. Thou shalt refer only to filmi songs. Shraddhanjalis and the like don't count. Your God must deliver when it counts - in the film. 2. Thou shalt include infra-digs on the singers personalities if they are relevant to the topic of debate. Obscure interviews, personal communication over beverages and handwritten notes count. 3. Thou shalt not indulge in personal comments made on other followers. 4. Thou shalt drag in lyricists, MDs, directors, co-singers, light boys, tabalchis and anyone else who might be relevant to the construction of the song. 5. Thou shalt match song for song whether it's for or against your God. 6. Thou shalt speculate on how a singer might have delivered a song he/she was not chosen to sing in the first place. 7. Thou shalt attribute rumorous motives to why a singer was not chosen to sing a particular song. 8. Thou shalt muddy waters by digressing into lengthy discussions on ragas, tunes, notes, chords, weather, moustaches. 9. Thou shalt clear waters by pointing out the futility of ragas, tunes, notes, chords, instruments, voice, sound. 10. Thou shalt follow-up every post on this matter. -- ______ /_____/\ / \ \ Abyssus abyssum invocat. / __ \ \ / //_\ \/ ______________ \ \__/ / / | | \ \ / | | | | \______/ \__|________|__/